Hmm........

Lately I've been doing alot of 'pondering' I guess you could say: about life here, life at home, just life in general actually. So I thought I'd just write some song lyrics and a few quotes from a book I'm reading right now that can give you an idea of what I'm dealing with. (and don't take this as a negative thing at all, its good....just difficult in alot of ways ;)


I tried to communicate, I tried to relate
Now all I wanna do is escape
And vanish into fantasies
I ventured out of the galaxy
Into the outer regions
Where folks believe in something
Much much bigger than their demons
And aren’t controlled by their circumstances
Sounds romantic, well dance with this slowly
And hear my failures don’t control me
It’s a place of solitude but I’m not lonely
And it’s beautiful but lets be reasonable
It’s just not real
It plays with your imagination
And for a moment or two, can make time stand still
But when it’s over all you have is a memory
I had to leave cuz the real world was calling me
Left my youth in pursuit of the truth
And gained a world of dishonesty
I see your innocence and envy it
I reminisce of mine and remember it
Full of peace, full of hope, full of truth
I remember when I used to be you
Before you became me
It’s sort of overwhelming
It didn’t seem like I was storytelling
But you didn’t believe me when I told you
That I could see my hopes and dreams
Come alive as it seems
But there’s a time and place for everything
Well I left my imagination there
Now it’s only what I can
Touch, see, taste and hear with my natural senses
I wish I could stretch the limits
But my defenses keep me limited
From the boundaries I set, so I won’t get burned again
Sure I’d like to be optimistic
That doesn’t line up well with reality
So I’ll go to sleep now and dream of
A younger, healthier, better me
Don’t mistake innocence for ignorance
Don’t mistake purity for inexperience
Don’t mistake humility for weakness
I sincerely mean this
You understand more than you know
There’s no goal like piece of mind
So what else are you trying to find?
What’s left?
Except regret and heartache
And yes, your heart will break and go numb
Lots of times before this life is done
You’ll look for answers but there’s just one
Patience that one day everything will make sense
But waiting is a pinch waking you up
From the worlds you’ve made up
The one where you dream
And the one where you gave up
Time to create a new atmosphere
Where the boy and the cynic can both play fair

- J. Reuben

• It's interesting how you sometimes have to leave home before you can ask difficult questions, how the questions never come up in the room you grew up in, in the town in which you were born. It's funny how you can't ask difficult questions in a familiar place, how you have to stand back a few feet and see things in a new way before you realize that nothing that is happening to you is normal.
  

• Everyone has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons.
  

• We get one story you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn't it? It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out. I want to repeat one word for you: leave. Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn't it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. Don't worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed.
  

- Donald Miller